The birth of friendship
According to C. S. Lewis, friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: “What? You too… ? I thought I was the only one.”
We cannot be friends unless we have at least one thing in common. That one thing could only be just a common thought that when nourished transitions an acquaintance to a friendship.
When a friend turns foe
Recently, a friend ran into relationship’s anxiety attack. She parked all her emotional baggage with her alter-ego, but when the trust between the two began to droop, the former went shattered. I wouldn’t know until she chose me her therapist.
Fortunately, the therapy led to fruition. She went nursed and healed. And, in the counselor’s pedestal, even I learned from her scars. I noted that her ‘self-disclosure’ reposing trust in me brought us closer.
She left leaving me into a reflection mode. And, in my thoughts birthed a rendezvous with you.
Observe keenly, Measure silently
It’s all good when friends hug, smile and exchange pleasantries. But these don’t always spell correct measure of our relationship. Many times these hugs are wrapped under a messy garb. In this “only for your eyes” hug, the two might’ve moaned the sore relationship lyrics that ended sorely. The reason could’ve been any.
One wonders how the once ‘inseparables’ had a quick cheek brush merely for public view.
Why wait for such a sad outcome? Why don’t we guard ourselves of the pitfalls much before it asked us to jump into a wound well?
I chose to say I don’t become a Best Friend ‘subscriber’, nor do I have a lifetime recipe to relish. It’s just something like I have known and something you, too have that I wished to share.
Honk your brain The other day I read a human eye can distinguish 500 shades of gray (Here, ‘gray’ – as in ‘gray matter’ which represents regions of sensory perceptions, such as decision making, self-control, emotions in our brain.), why then it fails to distinguish fine prints of friendship matrix? We land ourselves getting deceived, cheated and run into a big hurt.
Ironical, most of the times, this is served by our closest friends.
Beware of a Cuckoo’s call Euripides Orestes states: “When one with honeyed words but evil mind persuades the mob, great woes befall the state.”
What which looks melodramatic – shows excessive display and sounds unrealistic should we be able to assess. These friends with ‘honeyed’ repertoire are like cuckoos. Cuckoos come from a class of Aves which deceive other birds to the extent that they raise their young ones by depositing their eggs in Magpie’s nests.
So, to navigate our “Cuckoo Social Web” the only way to come out successful is by keeping ourselves from excessive sweetness.
Hire him not – a Devil’s Advocate
List us lucky if we are able to choose a pragmatic friend. Some get fascinated by the incorrigible devil’s advocate.
No matter what the situation be – whether or not you’ve hired him – this advocate would fight your case. Whisper in your “eyes” – this one wants to gain your quick friendship. They would just shield us without having a cerebral cover themselves. BEWARE. Act smart and gaze why someone’s approaching at the lightening speed. A reason can’t be 3rd – other than utility or pleasure
Our ancient “ANGEETHI” is here. Leave your microwave for a while. “Know and be known slowly.” Wait for weeks, days, months, and may be years to really trust someone to be listed as a friend. Most of whom we categorize as friends are actually our acquaintances.
In Hindi, Angeethi is a fire place, now used primarily in rural areas. It lights with great effort. The smoke would fill the environment. Ignition reaches and we get blazing golden flames. A slow process but once lit, it stays all day! Keep on adding wood and it would be fine.
Strangely, just like its flame, the warmth of friendship lasted for decades in our parents’ generation as against now when a 5minute meet up and we sign up someone a friend?! CRAZY!
In this rushed life, friendships build quicker and break away as quickly. So just as our food tastes better when marinated and allowed to simmer so would our friendship taste if allowed to nurture.
Once we have a friend, let us not latch on to him/her. If we breathe with our own nostrils and allow him to do with his, we both will have room to inhale in our own space and receive fresh air. So, CLING NOT.
The wisdom words of Rain Bojangles fit aptly here. “The only thing you will ever possess is yourself.” The fear of losing a friend lies in those who do not trust their friendship. It’s good to allow new comers to join our gang. We shouldn’t hobble and make it limited. Make it public. A genuine friendship doesn’t suffer from the presence of others. We should not make a fortress that disallows a gate crash and possible connect. So, Possess Not!
I noticed ‘rat race’ prevalence. Social media helps with that. This phenomenon definitely brings people together but somewhere it’s a kind of “stoop down.” This interesting scenario may mar the virtues that you live with and often for a momentary pleasure or validation we might land up trading our originality.
This chaotic portrayal doesn’t last as it started with a maddening crowd without any self-realization of what one needs in this hierarchy of choices. Is it just a desire to be a part of a particularly distinct persona – the one most talked about, the most visited – to win their association?
By and by all cats come to one place building the chaos. Who will herd the cats? It’s a big caution point especially when it lacked a pre-thought. What are we actually looking for? THINK and, don’t be an entity of a big herd.
Question yourself – “why a particular friend is important to us? In what way is she contributing to your happiness? Has she shown a positive support? What will I do to maintain that relation and how am I going to be helpful to her? “The answers will clear our mindset.
My experience says we should have ‘super-sets,’ ‘sets’ and ‘subsets’ of friends. Some should top the list, and the rest a little lower in sequence. For instance: A few could fit well, just for a ladies kitty; others to hang out with at each other’s places. Some may be for ‘shop and hop’, and a handful to share a laugh. A few must adorn our 3 am list, for needs that may not fit elsewhere. So, List your Support system
By forming this kind of circle one never gets burned. Investing in multiple groups is a boon yet keeping a special friend is a bonus.
If we are really lucky to have “one” who fits the bills, it’s a great return on investment! We must save that for years and earn dividends! Let’s make our lists today. We would never know when we would need to refer to.
A constant touch is good, but we can be good friends even if we seldom meet. We can be together even from a distance. Miles do not matter if hearts speak the same language. We must do something that strikes a great friendship. By being you and being honest are the most virtuous. Friendship will follow. We must refrain from being what we are not – to ‘seek’ a friend?
Let it strike magically, come accidentally and to be there permanently. It’s the most gratifying when it comes mutually. No relation thrives if we put pressure and lack genuineness. So, ACT, Actions make the heart grow fonder
It’s good to presume, not all friendships stay forever. Like every relation this too has seasons. What is the best for today may not be so for tomorrow. We must take with a pinch of salt. We must adopt caution lines and keep reviewing silently
As long as a friendship is wholesome, we must keep it but just like footwear, if we need to mend it’s wise to review and take a silent stock of changing trends on this dais. According to DC Estrada: “To know when to go away and when to come closer is the key to any lasting relationship. ”
Friends may give us lows, but an ample amount of highs also come from here. It’s an uplifting relationship. Let us enjoy this relationship walking steadily and carefully. We can’t buy it. Rather, we should not even try to BUY it – by hook or crook. VERY IMPORTANT!
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